Unsolicited Advice - Grief

The Japanese mother of two teenage daughters that she lost to drowning in our lake took to wearing her daughter's clothing.

My friend in her grief after her Dad's passing ingested a bottle of medication prescribed for the old man. 

I took to smoking my Mom's cigarettes, even though I had given up rolling cigarettes with Drum tobacco in my teens after a humiliating introduction to asanas, an aspect of yoga. 

I took to drinking my Mom's coffee, even though I had given up coffee decades ago because I drank too many refills with too much sugar when I lived in New York City on very little income in my twenties. 

I took to playing Patience with my Mom's cards after her unexpected passing, just like she did, with coffee near, cigarette in one hand, pen stuck behind one ear, crossword puzzle near, while I was in the process of having to dissolve my parent's household. I neglected to collect my Mom's set of old, funky cards and ended up having to buy a new set with which I played my own version of Solitaire for hours in to the early mornings - for several years.

I kept odd items of their remains, such as my Mom's ugly coffee can, even though I only started to drink coffee regularly years later after my Dad's passing.

I kept their antique, oriental, deep red carpets, even though they were cumbersome to transport and I hate to vacuum ever since I had to as a child. I kept them despite the color red not fitting in my home. I prefer the color purple. 

I kept my Mom's festive green Irish coffee set used only on high holidays, even though I am not a fan of green anything. The set never fails to remind me of my childhood, of memories more the half a century ago.

I kept my Mom's dad silver soup spoon engraved with the family name. I love it and use it daily. Maybe the only object that reminds me of my lineage from my Mom's side.

I kept a few of my Mom's flannel night gowns, even though I tend to sleep naked and consider them ugly. They were cozy, soft and warm I rediscovered, I wore them and still keep what is left for cleaning my home.

My unsolicited advice: Follow your heart - with a sense of discernment. Grief as you must, but be gentle with yourself.

Silver Lining

"But at a time when our discourse has become so sharply polarized -– at a time when we are far too eager to lay the blame for all that ails the world at the feet of those who happen to think differently than we do -– it’s important for us to pause for a moment and make sure that we’re talking with each other in a way that heals, not in a way that wounds."

"Yes, we have to examine all the facts behind this tragedy.  We cannot and will not be passive in the face of such violence.  We should be willing to challenge old assumptions in order to lessen the prospects of such violence in the future."

"Rather than pointing fingers or assigning blame, let’s use this occasion to expand our moral imaginations, to listen to each other more carefully, to sharpen our instincts for empathy and remind ourselves of all the ways that our hopes and dreams are bound together."

"All of us -– we should do everything we can to make sure this country lives up to our children’s expectations."

"I believe that for all our imperfections, we are full of decency and goodness, and that the forces that divide us are not as strong as those that unite us."

President Barack Obama, Memorial Sermon, 
Tucson, Arizona 1.12.2011

Lost Opportunities

I grieve the lost opportunities that came with President Obama's rise - and fall. How can a man that was able to speak right out of the hearts of the people so suddenly get so out of touch? How can so much hope and excitement dissipate so fast? 

Today, the day after the mid-term elections, President Obama in his response to the press mentioned the height of craze of two years ago as he tried to convince us that we are all on a learning curve and that change is a process, not an overnight miracle. But the craze was not crazy, but real. So many of us want change, not incremental, but at the core. We believe too many bad weeds need uprooting, a purge of major proportion is in order. Wall street has to be given perspective and has to serve once more the people. Corporate power needs to be reigned in. Free enterprise does not mean free reign to those with money, power and influence, and no conscience. Corporate entities are not people and should never have been allowed to hold such status. Shame on those conservative courts. Shame on those that exploit.

I do not care much for the color red or blue, too primary, too simplistic for my taste. I like nuanced tones a whole lot better. Like so many I have not been able to identify with either party. We do need more options, but not the Tea Party. We need to step forward in time not backward. 

While I am not for abortions, I am most certainly not about to tell another woman what she can or can not do with her own body. Do we really want to revert to backrooms with coat hangers? We have to embrace science and not deny the well proven facts. Omitting to teach science and history according to facts rather then philosophy ought to be a crime and should be considered a terrible indoctrination.

I am a product of the sixties, which were the seventies in Europe, I have been anti-establishment since my teens. Voting Democratic by default I am suddenly accused of wanting government hand outs and worse having a socialist agenda intent on the equitable redistribution of wealth. Hilarious, if there were not as much at stake. By the way, I do own my home free and clear and pay off my credit cards monthly and so far managed to stay debt free.

A discussion on what ought to be under government control and what not might very well be in order. Locally we got our train and some bemoan that it is not a profit making enterprise. No wonder I say with the restrictive hours and destinations of it's service, but coming from Switzerland I do not believe train service has to be a profitable business, primarily it ought to benefit the people, the community and the environment. The decrease in carbon emanating commuter vehicles with the benefits of a lower carbon foot print, better air and less congested roads ought to be plenty of incentive to support travel by rail. I fear for our trains under our new Republican Governor.

Worse I fear the American mindset that loathes a powerful, intelligent, well educated and well spoken woman like Nancy Pelosi or President Barack Obama, but embraces personalities like Christine O'Donnell and Sarah Palin with their cocky, cutesy, even sexy, certainly folksy, but seriously uninformed states of minds. 

With shattered hopes and a country reverting back to old worn out ways, it is tempting to become a cynic, turn away from the ugliness of politics as usual, turn off the TV with it's toxic commercials and simply stop caring. But care we must! Conversations must be had. We do not have the luxury to ignore each other, we live too close, too dense, too dependent on each other. So I invite your views on the state of affairs post mid-term elections, please.