Shadow Self

Native American guy accosted me for a hand-out. 

When I refused his buddy gave me a hug against my will.

Reeking of alcohol he insisted that he loved me and will always love me. 

I am afraid this stranger believed I really needed a hug. 

The man was right.

Post-Apocalyptic Ponderings

False beliefs abound. The non-occurrence of the rapture makes me wonder about those convictions of mine, and yours, that proved to be wrong. 

Last Spring my skin would crawl repeatedly in the evenings after a few hours of sitting at my computer low to the ground. I was convinced my dog's Isabella's pests were jumping ship, or rather host, even though the vet had called them "host-specific" as they did not seem to bother my other two furry companions. When the exterminator told me it was, if not all, mostly all in my mind (after I had payed him the $300 for his service in despair) I was dumbfounded. He fumigated my home with Cedar after a 2 months struggle in fighting the pests daily, for hours. My skin still crawled for a while, but I gave it no longer my attention and my symptoms subsided.

There was also a time about 12 years ago, in transition in the bay area, living in my van that was breaking down repeatedly costing me money I did not make, when I experienced what turned out to be anxiety, but felt like a potential heart attack with symptoms strong enough to have kept me up all night and to have propelled me to the nearest emergency room for the first, and I hope last time ever. Now we know women are often misdiagnosed and heart disease may not get recognized. I did not fully believe the doctor, even after being monitored, but I did chose to change my life style, found a temporary home, started to cook my own meals again instead of eating out all the time and I abstained from stimulants, mainly chocolate and Chai. It worked.

Of course most of us hold limited beliefs that somehow got indoctrinated to us in our childhood. We believe we are no good, not good enough, can't do it. Even Lady Gaga the almost overnight super success admits to such.

So I wonder what outdated beliefs may shape us, you and me, but I really worry which ones operate in our politicians and make them act on totally wrong premises? I feel for those that lost their beliefs with the non-event of the supposed rapture. Our hunger for certainty seems rapacious, never ending, but we would better make it a habit to check on those assumptions of ours for the good of all.

Post Election Reflections

Last weeks election results have me baffled. Keeping my cool has been seriously compromised. What are the American people thinking? On election day I hunkered down outside my local polling station, curious what kinds of folks would show up. Few did, but one Hispanic guy was open to discuss his choices. Pissed at our Democratic Governor who had been embroiled in scandal, he blamed  Richardson for stealing his Mom's pension fund. So he was ready for change. He claimed to listen to Amy Goodman's Democracy Now, but he voted for a Republican Governor. So now we have Susanna Martinez, the first female Hispanic Governor ever and what does she do? Investigate already on how to reverse recent legislation in regard to the EPA (Environmental Protection Agency) as if the environment needed not more, but less protection! With big money from Texas ,her home state ,we are sure to see oil interests rise and pristine areas opened to invasive drilling, resisted up until now. 

A planned acquisition of land for an ambitious 4 prong project to rescue wild Mustangs, to rehabilitate and employ them for therapeutic gains for kids and vets and tourists will likely get nixed with the myopic state of minds of most Republicans. One elderly lady expects hunters to be given access to up till now protected environments. One would wish for more wisdom with females in leading positions, but I never believed peace to reign with females bickering (and this our two contenders for Governor did up to election day.)

One of my favorite cute young check-out guy at Trader Joe's grocery store admitted he did not bother to vote. I gave him hell. Well, not really, but I did impress on him the importance of doing so and he agreed he made a mistake. Have you talked to your check-out guy or gal lately, about things that matter? I highly recommend talking to those around us for real.

At the dog park on my twice daily outings I inquired about how others feel about the results and lo and behold there are a few there too that voted supposedly conservative. The First Lady's entourage was blamed, the expenses of the President's trips were mentioned, but not the expenses of Bush's war mongering? It took only one round around the park for one woman to consider she may have made a mistake with her vote for Republicans. Mind you we parted with hugs and the satisfaction of being able to voice our differing views and hear each other and find a surprising lot of common ground. Have you talked to your friends and neighbors yet lately? Again, I highly recommend it, we do need civilized discourse. Politics and money should no longer be off limits, they are too important.

Bush is hawking his book and so I got to watch him on Oprah. He mentioned that sinking feeling when he learned that there were no weapons of mass destruction and then continued that EVERYBODY believed Saddam had them. Nope, I did not, and neither did the investigators and he chose not to listen to them, but follow in the footsteps of unconfirmed ideations of his own. I blame him for not having taken the time, not having had the wisdom to wait out the results of an  almost complete investigation. before going to war. Inexcusable. Bush did not say he was sorry! Instead he claims a black entertainer's critique of racism hurt him the most! But objections to his actions from throughout the world, in the millions, ran down his bare back like water and left him unaffected? Bush says he is done with politics and it seems to confirm that his stints as Governor and President were likely geared towards pleasing his Dad. Gosh what an immature mind. Do the American people really have such a short memory?

to be continued ...

Downtown Oasis in our High Desert

Reflections are not too common with our high desert climate, but the monsoon rains, really severe storms, have started up again. Better late then never as in years prior. So for us these water reflections are a feast for the eyes and are not at all taken for granted.

flickr final part 4

My 'Goddess with an Attitude' was my very first upload, here post-processed with tools I then had not yet discovered. The first of more then 3,800 images that total almost 133,300 views.

I realize that an image alone no matter how beautiful is never as relevant to me as an image that holds meaning, has something to say, maybe tells a story, or somehow gives new insight.

In this light I invite you to check out some of my favorite photostreams on flickr starting with BuckarooBob from the Oregon Coast, a master story teller, prior photo journalist and human being of the very first order:

"I'm a seeker and a believer, a pilgrim and a pirate, a dreamer and a schemer"

Prabhakaran from Chenai, India will charm you too, I bet, with his delightful presentation of his world seen through his beloved Canon. I particularly love the insights he provides in to the culture of South India, along with his sweet poetic spirit coupled with a great sense of humor.

Vol-au-Vent or Kiki, from France, but always a Swiss at heart, is my queen of soulfulness, one can not help be enchanted by her presentations. She has a knack for finding the perfect quote, followed by personal and intimate expression, set to her image to express charmingly what is in her heart and thereby touch another's soul.

Keith from Australia is a closet film maker to my mind, a thinking photographer, highly attuned to the interplay of light, dark and shadows. His images are not the cute, warm and fuzzy kind, but the stunning, capture of poignant moments in time, like this one here:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/xpatscot/3793590223/sizes/l/

Finally the cutest pet images ever got to be of Earny the Terrier and Toby the calico cat:
ttp://www.flickr.com/photos/jobee59/sets/72157603571959871/
from the Australian bush via Jobee59

flickr anniversary part 3

Here comes the tricky part, expressing my complex, sometimes difficult feelings in relating on-line and through mine and others creative efforts. I decided early on that flickr is one of my modes of self expression rather then my advertisement! Meaning I never intend to cater to an audience. My hope is that you might be moved by some of my posts and might even respond, but I will not hold my breath for that to happen. If I sound defensive, I am afraid I am. The truth is that I did hold my breath despite my best of intentions. Going public means seeking interaction, who am I kidding. There is a reason I do not keep my images to myself. I can't get my friends to look at them, what do I expect? Nothing and everything, but anything other then generic, polite responses, pleaze! And spare me the devastating critical kind or the dubious silences. Whoever said silence is gold is a liar. Silence is a killer, fosters uncertainty and doubt. Benign neglect can be lethal. But who takes the time for constructive criticism? Who knows how to give such? And anyhow I keep reading how flickr is about "fun" - really?

I never been big on gratitude and yes, I ought to be grateful for all the attention my images do get while I am so blissfully ignorant of the true art of photography The truth is that I have hurt many a time over many an overlooked dear image of mine. I guess it is unavoidable considering everything, but it hurts nevertheless. What is dear to me does not (yet?) translate in to dear to others and that is what distinguishes the successful artist, right?

Flickr does embrace that which is cute, no doubt. I like cute too, up to a point. At first I kept my activity to pet imagery, how odd for me, but hey I got one, then two, then three furry ones and pets seemed saver to explore, god forbid I should come upon explicit sex images, which I am happy to report I really have managed to avoid. So how come there rarely is a dog baring it's teeth? Dogs piss and hump plenty, but rarely do I find an image of such realities of life, why? Might it be offensive to a young family member?

This playful image of my Sumo-boy gave nightmares to a few but started a lively discussion. I adore this ferocious image of Sumo because it counters the assumption that little Sumo-boy, because of his size is a cute puppy rather then the adult alpha, independent, unafraid male that he is in reality.

Of course Sumo is cute, but his spirit is large and he does not need to be looked at as a baby or toy. He is a guy for real.

But this is not about Sumo or canine companions, but about my experiences with flickr. Just now I took a break to check a mail from one of my dear flickr friends. Turns out a stranger  by mistake somehow managed managed to upload an image to his stream. Now get this, none of his many viewers, many regulars questioned this odd image that so did not relate to his body of work. Rather the comments were complimentary on his choice of colors and design and so on! This is what gets me with flickr, these non-sensical, superficial responses, please! Who needs them?

It is time to honor the friends that I did find on flickr and that make flickr special. I love connecting over our creative efforts with folks from all over the world, from all kinds of backgrounds, cultures, religions, beliefs, tongues and nationalities.

to be continued ...

flickr anniversary part 2

Here I continue my reflections on flickr by considering my personal favorites of the thousands of images I captured and posted in these last 3 years.

This one is one of the very first images I took with my new Nikon D40. My camera sat there for a while before I dared approach it. I was walking my pups as I so often do and was passing by this very old, funky cemetery and almost missed this toy up on the fence. By pure chance the colors and sharpness of the image keep delighting me and so does the symbology of sitting on the fence, something I have been accused too often. Here I demonstrate that sitting on the fence can be o.k. and almost look comfortable!



This one is a bit similar in that I was focused on architecture and almost missed these cute tigers, really I am not a fan of cutesy toys, but I love this image and think the frame perfect.



Tractors and heavy equipment have very little appeal to me usually, but this one early morning the light shone upon this tractor and I love what became of it, an abstract of sorts. I really love it because it is so unlike me to be attracted to such. My world opens up looking through a lens and I come to love all kinds a things.

I love my pups and treasure capturing them in action, which is not easy. Here I was quick to reach for my camera when I spotted Howdy, a gorgeous Labradoodle pup. It was late in the morning the sun already washing out a lot of color and my aim was not perfect. I did a lot of finnegaling to achieve this so far my favorite version of the image.



If you care to check out more of my images you might like to view one of my favorite sets.
to be continued ...

flickr

My 3 year flickr anniversary is coming up September 6th. I joined flickr in the idea of enriching our on-line group of "phenomenal women" with an image sharing site. Word and image always made sense to me and make a larger whole, like the left and right brain that function together. In my profession as a bodyworker I was one of the first to my knowledge to employ a portfolio that showed beautiful photos of me at work along with a painful, to me, description of what my intentions in massage therapy really are. Massage can go so way far beyond relaxation, but few knew and know.

I am not one that had a long standing passion about photography. I bought my first digital point and shoot with the expectation of traveling to Ghana to volunteer for a month in an orphanage and kinda get a first whiff of Africa and a sense if I might want to spend more time there. The little Olympus Stylus with it's odd shape, that fit perfectly in to my hand seemed ideal for the purpose of capturing the likeness of some cute African kids unobtrusively.

As fate would have it, my Dad got sick the day after I had made my travel arrangements to Ghana and what I captured first was his hand in mine as I sat on his bedside and suddenly remembered my brand new camera still unused in my purse.

My Dad perked up when I mentioned Olympus as he had owned several, but of course none digital. It was sweet to see this old, frail man, mostly incoherent, on his death bed come alive.

Since then, 1995, I gave myself a Nikon D40, a beginners DSLR, as capturing my fast moving pups was simply too fast for my point and shoot, as they have a considerable length of lag time. But I am back to another Olympus Stylus, this time purple, to replace my first as they are just so convenient and surprising in what they can accomplish considering their size.

Flickr is a phenomenon and may well be the internet at it's very best.

To date I uploaded exactly 3800 images that garnered 24,550 views to my photo stream alone, a lot more in total, and certainly a whole lot more exposure I would have ever had of photos placed in to albums as I used to.



This entry, taken on one of my many walks with my dogs, is what flickr considers my most interesting and what the community made in to my most popular, most often viewed image. This photo made Explore twice in different versions.

It got posted 'illegally' somewhere by someone where it garnered overnight 1100 views. Personally I am not crazy about entries. What I do truly love though is discovering my world with new eyes.

This image of a young working girl in braces looking sexy, kinda, I am afraid circulates among an adoring anorexic crowd, I took it away from public viewing after a comment confirmed my suspiscions, but recently made it available once again and it is gaining exposure steadily.

Finally I remember vividly becoming what seemed like an integral part of a painting during maybe the most spectacular sunset I ever witnessed. It took me a while to consider even an attempt to photograph the spectacle and it was an unforgettable event. Until then I rarely ever attempted capturing a landscape. This image became by far the most often favored of mine.



To be continued ...