Sumo Is Missed

Sumo's passing bewildered me. Witnessing death is powerful, so irrevocable, so final, such a demarcation of time before and after.

At first, his absence was palpable, it seemed to permeate our space.

I would glance at the spot in our home where he had passed on and felt - a spaciousness that I did not want to attach any quality to, it just was. It was odd, but it also felt sacred.

I got busy, seemingly intent on setting things in order and on demarcating time. Beddings got washed and remade for the three of us. The floor got moped, vet documents got reorganized, incense got burned and Isabella got to go out on the retractable lead frequently. This was one lead I ceased to use after I tumbled over my bike when I used the lead's handle to break my bike when an oncoming car had threatened to get too close to Sumo who was running alongside, about 9 years ago. I had worried about Sumo's unpredictability potentially threatening me on my bike, but Sumo was always good, on his perfect behavior when out and about with me. It was my own panic that had caused that fall.

Isabella loves the extra give on the retractable lead, this girl is all smiles when out and about and people notice. She gets quite a bit of attention if not given freely, she will ask for it, from strangers. Amazingly Isabella is just about as happy as she can be. She no longer lags behind, in order to allow for Sumo to take the lead. She knows where she wants to go and it is now up to me to adjust to let her have the lead after about a decade of my pups following me. That was our deal, I take them just about everywhere, but for them to come along, they had to follow ME. I have rarely gone anywhere without my pups over the last 11 years. So I struggle a bit with letting Isabella set the pace as this girl has got a good nose and likes to sniff endlessly in one spot. But watching my pups, they never got mad at each other for such things, they just adjusted to each other and to me. I struggle with getting irritated when the air is frigid, I want to reach a sunny spot but Isabella got her own agenda. It is a give and take and we are doing great on the whole. I have made it a point to give Isabella more attention, take her out a bit more often and to different places. I use our van more frequently on errands now so she can come along. Today Sunday, with parking free downtown, we made it to the plaza where we had not been in a while. Isabella knew exactly where she was and headed toward crossing the street to show up at Overland Sheepskin where they treat doggies very kindly. Bright eyes, waggly tail up, big grin she was waiting to get acknowledged and sure enough got a treat. I appreciate those friendly gestures from so many strangers that chose to notice this girl and be kind to her.

Meanwhile, when I open a banana or peel a tangerine I miss Sumo's bright, expectant eyes looking up at me in hopes to get a bite. Contemplating that I will never again ride my scooter with Sumo is tough. It is something I really loved. It is an image I had that propelled me to go look for a canine companion. One to take along on adventures.

Death has a way of peeling away what is nonessential and exposing what is or is not. I have been feeling my isolation as I feel the lack of emotional support in my life. The kindest response to my sharing of the news of Sumo's passing came from a supervisor at one of our grocery stores, a Dutch woman with whom years ago I would share the trails at our dog park on occasions. Maybe it is our common European background along with our similar age that allowed me to actually feel the authenticity of our interaction that soothed me like no other. Life goes on. Spring shows signs way too early for us up high at 7,000 feet. I hope of planting green grass over Sumo's burial site as Sumo loved grass, not just for self-medication but he seemed to truly enjoy eating some greens, so grass seems most befitting for his resting site.