Thanksgivings

1978, about 5 weeks in to my US stay, when I had no idea yet that I would make my permanent home here in the United States, I was dragged along to my very first Thanksgiving event. I was 24 years old, a vegetarian for about 6 years with a disdain for family events, meat and fast food. Here I was in the cabin of a prominent New York psychiatrist in the Poconos, stuck, waiting for that damn bird to be ready to be served already. I was hungry, everybody was hungry after the long drive out of Manhattan. I doubt anyone did actually venture out of that cabin and in to the woods We all laid around on a bed, hanging. We, meaning my mentor Alec, who had graciously offered me a place to stay, had welcomed me with open arms in to his fold of acolytes, and had insisted on my coming along. Of course I had never heard of Thanksgiving. Finally when the bird came out of the oven and was ready to be devoured, of course I abstained. There were barely any side dishes, barely a thing for me to eat. Horror of horrors, for dessert I remember those cream donuts; white flour, white sugar and lots of oil, yiks.

1984, new to Santa Fe, Marge invited us to her humble abode, a school bus converted into a mobile home that she shared with her two boys and occasional lovers. I remember Marge fiddling with a soup, adding more and more miso, but somehow just not getting it right. I felt for her, I have been there, done that - lousy cooking. Marge believed in free and open sex and I believe she messed up the mind and heart especially of her older teen aged boy pretty good. It was the eighties, times were wild and crazy for some.

2000, Paradise in the East Bay, Northern California, the pool was steaming at perfect temperature, a variety of fish were grilled, my Fufu, made from Plantein flour was ready and a dessert of tofu pudding served with soy whipped cream found delighted approval while not exactly easy on our digestion. We had a blast in the most enchanting home I ever had the good fortune to occupy. The Carriage House was converted to a European style witches den.

Overgrown with bright burgundy Bougainvillea,  with cute white lace curtains on all the little windows, a balcony that overlooked the pool surrounded by banana trees and exotic blooms.

 The sounds of the water overflowing from the hot tub in to the warm pool mixed with the distant sounds of laughter and dancing to Soucous music.

With me, my Nigerian lover and my dearest friends, many of them colleagues, with more then a few that shared my Cancer birth sign. We were in our element, an amicable lot and we really liked each other professionally and privately. Heaven, I was in heaven!

2010, Thanksgiving at home alone in the City Different in the Land of Enchantment, once again. Well, I am not alone, I got my 3 furry ones, but I am nobody's mom. I celebrated Thanksgiving with a "feast in my mouth" as Dr. Phil would say. There is nothing like oral gratification. Celebrating Thanksgiving without family stressors is nothing to sneeze at either. How I hate dysfunctional family dynamics. I had enough in my youth to last me life times. Now I have no family and no friends either.

I am grateful to still have my home, to still have some cash, to still be able to buy food, and dessert. I am grateful to have been granted an easy life in so many respects. I am grateful for all the horrors that so far have not befallen me. I am grateful for the kindnesses bestowed upon me. As when my mentor Alec offered me his home to stay and so I could find my bearings on this new and oh so different continent. As when Dietmar, a young father in Switzerland, offered me his place to stay when I, 17 years old, lost my room, because the landlady objected to the weekend stay of an American tourist during my absence. I am grateful to Dwuno who bestowed her light, her attention, her beauty and her wisdom on me and I was never to be the same again. I am especially grateful to my now deceased Mom who gave me the cash for the down payment on what has been my home now for the last 24 years. I am grateful that whatever stood between me and my Mom and my Dad dissolved before their passing, that we resolved whatever it was, and that we found peace together.

On a different note I am grateful for Tina Fey who still can give perspective to a Sarah Palin and so deservedly won the recent Mark Twain award. I am grateful to Michael Moore who endured a personal vendetta by big pharmaca and the former president, but keeps on trucking and keeps on inspiring us to take action and make a difference and believe in the power of the people, against all evidence so it seems.

Gratitude does not come easy to me, I really have to go fish to find morsels of it. I will do just that, go fish, be quiet and see what might bite and if, I then will report back.