Learn to say NO! You can not say yes, if you can not say no. Learn to say no. Say it nicely, but firmly. No need to be rude. I say this from one woman to another, maybe less experienced woman or girl.
In the news a french woman just confessed to having killed 6 new born babies of hers. You bet this woman did not know how to say no. We do not know if she could not refuse her husband, or maybe the Pope, who still insists that sex with protection is wrong. But we do know that since the woman could not say no, she denied life to her offspring. In the same way when we can not say no, we deny an aspect of ourself, we kill an aspect of ourself, and eventually grow in to a farce of our self, an idea of self with little resemblance to who we really are.
Society teaches us, especially us women, to be pleasing. Naturally being more empathic then men, we women tend to give up ourselves in favor of the other. Have we not heard of oral sex given by teenage girls - in hopes of, yes, love. We older women shake our heads, what happened to women's lib? This is not what women had in mind then. This is most certainly not how to win a man's heart. (Not that with all my experience I really would know how.)
In order to say no and mean it, we have to know who we are and what we want. This knowing of oneself takes time to develop. There is no need to rush, not even in this culture of instant gratification. Remember you can say yes fully only after you have learned to say no!
One girl said no to being weight in public and makes an example for other girls:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/11/18/refusing-bmi-school-test_n_6180892.html